We’ve learned that developing a healthy sense of Self is an important first step in developing boundaries. Quieting the mind and going into that deeper more authentic place inside.
We also learned that we don’t defend ourselves because it feels too threatening. We have an overinflated sense of danger that we need to tame by recognizing our triggers and the “old story” of not being safe. Another name for this is the “trauma voice.”
Recognizing the trauma voice, versus the voice of the true Self, is the single most important thing you can do to start getting your life back after trauma. It is the key that unlocks everything.
Scenario – You wake up one morning with a sense of doom and hopelessness hanging over you. You frantically mentally retrace your activities of the past 24 hours and try to identify what could have made you feel this way.
But there’s nothing.
This doesn’t make sense. Why do you feel like doomsday has arrived?
If you are on the healing path and you’ve started developing that budding sense of Self, you’ll be aware that this could be part of the old story. You will look for reasons that might not be obvious.
Did you get triggered at work? Did something happen in your environment that made you feel threatened, bringing up old feelings of danger? Once triggered, you can feel this way for days if you don’t identify the real reason and ease those old fears.
If you allow yourself to gently ease into awareness, from the quiet and grounded place of Self, some of that old story might emerge, along with the lost parts of you that first experienced this sense of impending doom. When they do, you can reach out with love and protection and safety.
You can develop that feeling of peace and safety within yourself that you missed out on as a child.
A daily practice of developing peace and calm teaches your body that it is safe. And if you do get triggered, you can call on that feeling of peace when you need it most, to bring you back to Self and safety.
So what does this have to do with boundaries?
Until you teach your body to feel safe, you’re going to continually avoid situations that trigger feelings of danger. And if standing up for yourself feels dangerous… game over. You’re not going to do it.
Along with developing Self, practicing feelings of peace, calm, and safety is paramount to your success. And in fact, they are essentially one and the same thing.
Because Self is calm, it is peaceful, and it is confident.
All the things that you need to start defending yourself.
Until next time,
Anne
Week 3 Assignment
The Pool Meditation is the first exercise in The Survivor’s Compass method. It will help you learn Self and access those feelings of peace and safety. Learn it HERE.
The Relaxation Response exercise is also an effective way to develop an experience of peace and safety. Learn about it HERE.
And if you need a drill sergeant to help you right now, sign up here: https://www.annemarck.com/mentoring/