My daughter has a sign in her entryway, “Baby Steps Are Still Progress.” It’s a great reminder that life is a series of baby steps. Rarely do we accomplish anything in one big leap.
Case in point. I’m learning how to create art. But I didn’t start with trying to emulate Michelangelo.
No, I bought a box of Crayola crayons.
Because I was scared that I couldn’t do it and making all kinds of excuses about why I couldn’t and that it was a waste of time to try.
That’s what we do. We look for every reason why something can’t be done, find one that we can attach ourselves to, and then hang on for dear life.
When I first got into therapy to try to heal my messy past, I asked the therapist how long it was going to take. I wanted my life back. Like, now! Her answer was not encouraging. But I was miserable and a tiny bit suicidal, so I signed up anyway.
I’m glad I did. Because where would I be now if I hadn’t? I certainly wouldn’t have written a book or begun exploring my creative side. Nor would I be experiencing peace and joy, contentment even, on a regular basis. I’d still be mired in depression, anxiety and wanting to give up.
Does it matter how long it takes? Not really. Because ten years from now, is ten years from now. What you fill those years with will determine what ten years from now is going to look like.
I think the real problem lies in the fact that we want instant gratification. Take that pill, it will kill the pain now. But healing trauma doesn’t work that way. It takes time and it is cumulative. This is a difficult truth to swallow when you are depressed and anxious and just want immediate relief.
Maybe you’ve been taught to deep breathe every day, to focus on something positive in your life by keeping a gratitude journal, to meditate and find some peace. What, you wonder, is this going to do to help you heal? The relief lasts about five minutes, and then you’re back to the anxious, depressed… ugh! So you conclude it didn’t work for you and move on to the next thing.
Which will also not work. Because that’s not the real problem. The real problem is looking outside ourselves for the solution and trying to avoid the arduous process of changing how we think and feel.
Please understand, I know this is not easy. God knows, I’ve done my time. And it took me an awfully long time to get on that road and then stay on it and keep working.
But I learned that all of these simple little baby steps do in fact add up. I did all of those things, and little by little, day by day, I started to get better. One day at a time I was teaching my body to feel safe, to find joy, and to let go of the past so I could move on to a much better future. And I know that you can do the same.
I really want this for you. That’s why I have created a new resource for trauma survivors at https://www.thesurvivorscompass.com/category/resources/
Go take a look around. You’ll find information, encouragement, and resources to help you heal your past so you can live a much brighter future.
And as always, thank you for sharing with other survivors.
Until next time,
Anne
P.S.: You can find the book I wrote HERE. It’s full of the many things I did to heal my life. And if you decide to check it out, or you’re already reading a copy, please leave a review on Amazon. Books without reviews fall to the bottom of the barrel and are never heard from again. Thank you!