Last weekend found me in Lava Hot Springs, sitting in a hot pool trying to relax. It’s only taken me about two years to finally talk myself into doing this.
Taking me away from work is like taking crack from an addict. My drug of choice for distraction from the internal trauma drama.
For Christmas this year, my daughter took me shopping to buy a pair of winter boots for snow. I ended up selecting a pair of hiking boots instead. I wasn’t thinking of my local neighborhood. I dream of conquering bigger trails.
My son, who knows me well, gave me a Jet Boil, a nifty little camping device for heating water rapidly over a propane canister. I was so thrilled; you’d think I’d been given a Cadillac.
My reaction to these gifts was a wake-up call. Some part of me longs for adventure and new experiences. I’ve just been too scared to venture outside of my four safe walls. I’ve been living a constricted, or as Daniel Siegel, PhD calls it, a “rigid” life.
After all this time and healing, I’m still living as though the world is a dangerous place.
It took an encounter with my shaman healer, whom I sometimes turn to for advice, to wake me up to the fact. She gently suggested that healing trauma isn’t always about processing the hard stuff. It’s also about playing, learning to trust the world again, doing things you love, finding pleasure in life.
It’s about daring to live a bigger life.
I came home from my one-day trip feeling rejuvenated, ready to jump back into my life with a passion. Who knew that twenty-four hours away was all it took to get me back in the saddle again, with enthusiasm?
A lovely Gabrielle Roth quote sums it up for me:
“In many shamanic societies, if you came to a medicine person complaining of being disheartened, dispirited, or depressed, they would ask one of four questions:
When did you stop dancing? When did you stop singing? When did you stop being enchanted with stories? When did you stop finding comfort in the sweet territory of silence?”
So, before I got back to work, I grabbed my journal and wrote a quick list to remind myself of all the things I love doing. And the things I dream of doing.
And I made plans for my next trip.
Until next time,
Anne
P.S. – The Clinical View: Current research suggests that time in nature and all forms of creative expression (dance, music, art, etc.) offer significant trauma healing benefits. Learn more from The Body Keeps the Score: Brain, Mind and Body in the Healing of Trauma, Bessel van der Kolk, MD *
To learn more about getting out of the fearful “rigid” mindset read Mind Sight: The New Science of Personal Transformation, Daniel Siegel, MD *
* DISCLOSURE: These book links contain Amazon affiliate codes. As an Amazon Associate I earn from qualifying purchases. By using affiliate links to purchase your books, you support my effort to support survivors. And I only recommend the best! Thank you!